"Life’s a Drag"

I was listening the other day to dear Kenny’s “Hand up your sticks” written by the oh-so-clever Peter Cook (who still owes me for the bet he lost about Ronnie Corbett’s boxer shorts – but as he’s passed on I’ll forget it for now) and it reminded me of the classic duo Julian and Sandy; weren’t they bold.

And then I recalled the sit-com I developed with Lance Percival and William Rushton, which I shall discuss for you here.

I remember suggesting the idea of a sit-com about an old folks home for Drag Queens when having lunch with Danny La Rue and Dick Emery and feeling a little left out when they compared dress sizes. So I diverted the conversation by suggesting we made a sit-com together called “Life’s a Drag”. I took the idea to my friends from TW3 and we bandied some ideas about.

After I fell out with Lance and Will (two separate incidences, neither of which I shall elaborate on at the moment) I took the script for a final ’spit and polish’ to my dear friend, Stuart Bookhouse. Known in comedy circles for his witty after dinner speeches at three Tory Party Conferences I felt he’d be perfect for a sit-com.

Thames TV provided us with a budget, not enough to attract Danny or Dick even though it was written for them, but we were lucky with our casting of Deryck Guyler and Frank Williams as the main heroes Charlie and Arthur.

Harold Snoad shot the first (and only) show for us in the Summer of 1973 in Maidstone, Kent, at a delightful old peoples home called Nazareth House – I wonder if it’s still there. Also joining the cast were Felix Bowness, as Ted the lawnsman, and Yootha Joyce, as Sheila the manager.

The basic plot revolved around Charlie and Arthur coming up with schemes to put on a show, allowing them to dress as Joanie and Betty, their drag alter egos. But whenever thy did dress up they’re get Ted all excited as he believed them to be really ladies and would consistently chat them up. Unfortunately for him they’d mention their ‘friends’ Charlie and Arthur, getting Ted quite riled at his love rivals – little knowing he was talking to them all along.

It was full of innuendo and polari, but unfortunately I can not find a copy of any of the scripts. But I do recall the following scene -

IN THE DRAWING ROOM

We find Arthur dressed as Joanie playing solitaire as Charlie (normal clothes) enters the room.

Charlie – Ooh look at you with your riah all zhooshed up. Ted, being the bold omi that he is, will think it’s his lucky day!

Joanie – Well if I varda him checking out my lallies again I’ll give him a piece of my mind

Charlie - I don’t think it’s a piece of your mind he’s after

Joanie – As long as he keeps his hands to himself tonight I think the whist drive will go swimmingly

Charlie – I wouldn’t bet on it, he’s right randy today. I just saw him up town buying some cologne – LOOK, for Men

Joanie – ‘Look for men’ – what a good idea, want to join me!

They both laugh as Sheila sternly walks in.

We even had a slogan ready for inclusion in the TV Times – “When they dress down they drag themselves up”. But alas the series was never commissioned.

Some say there was a backlash from ‘theatrical types’ who felt the final version of the script pried too much into their world. Some say the show was too risque with it’s overtly queer overtones.

But I think the fact a senior member of staff at Thames TV was revealed to be a transvestite in a shocking scandal that rocked weekday ITV may have had a part to play in the series being cancelled as we started program two.

As a side note I did hear rumour at the time that Dame Sybil Thorndike was appalled by it, but it wasn’t documented in Shedian’s superb biography of her, so I shall never know.